Today, I am going to be meeting my shrink Dr. C and I will be honest with him and tell him about how even though I am surrounded by people who love and care a lot about me, I drink because I feel empty, sad and alone inside. The truth must come out.
I never had a problem with daily drinking, because I only drink on the weekends, as a matter of fact, I can go months without drinking with no problem at all. But most of the times, when I do decide to drink, I binge for days. So, because of that reason, I have been wondering if during those times that I don’t drink, I am sober, abstinent or alcohol-free. I mean, don’t get me wrong, whatever it is, as long as I’m not drinking, I’m happy with it. That’s what really matters.
OK kids, even though I have never been a very religious person, for years now, I’ve been feeling as if something has been missing in my life. I have been trying to figure it out like crazy, and the only explanation that I could come up with is, that I am missing a higher power. So yesterday, I went to church for the first time in years, and I really enjoyed it. As a matter of fact, I’m planning on going back on a regular basis.
The way that I look at it is, that by working with my shrink, getting out of my comfort zone no matter how uncomfortable it might feel sometimes, attending 2 AA meetings a week, going to church once a week and keeping myself busy with other things, I don’t need alcohol in my life.
As I mentioned on yesterday’s super boring post, I got out of my comfort zone and drove about an hour to a casino in Pennsylvania with my wife, her mother, her stepfather and two friends.
I have to say, that even though I’m not into gambling, getting away from the every weekend routine, really helped me keep my crazy mind away from my weekend binge drinking. As a matter of fact, after the trip, I got home so tired, that I fell asleep as soon as my body hit the bed. So there you have it, a busy mind keeps the alcohol away.
OK kids, I am happy to say, that today I have been alcohol for 12 days and I feel fucking great! Specially because I don’t have to deal with hangovers and all the other shits that come with them. I know that it hasn’t been that long, but something is better than nothing.
On another note. Even though I do not gamble, today I am driving my wife, her mother and a friend to a casino in Connecticut. You see, I believe that getting out of my comfort zone, is particularly important for me, in order to stay alcohol-free. I must do things that keep my mind busy, especially during the weekends, since I am a weekend binge drinker. The thing is, that I cannot be afraid to experience new things in life. I know that from time to time, the road ahead is not going to be an easy one, but if I believe in myself and with the support of family and friends, I will make it.
Good morning and happy Thursday kids, I hope that wherever you are in this crazy rock we call planet earth, you are enjoying your day.
As for me? I am happy to report that today I have been sober for 10 days… Yep, that’s right, 10 motherfucking days… WOO-HOO! Next week, I have an appointment with my shrink Dr. C and to be honest with you, I’m really going to start working with him on the internal issues that I have been dealing with, since I was a kid, like feeling lonely and not loving myself. It is crazy, but during the past week, I had many family members, friends and others, come to me to tell me how much they love me, how much they care about me and that they know that I can beat this shit. There is so much love around me, it is just fucking incredible.
OK my homies and homettes, I know for a fact, that you didn’t miss me for shit and maybe , just maybe, you didn’t even notice that I was gone for a while, but now I’m back. So here I go.
So I finally decided to get my shit together and get sober. Today has been 8 days since I last had alcohol and I went to an AA meeting last week. Actually, I’m planning on going to at least 2 to 3 AA meetings a week. You have to understand, that I don’t drink everyday, I’m just a once in a while weekend binge drinker, who with no problems, can go for months without drinking.