I Keep Pushing On

Good morning and happy Saturday kids, I hope that you enjoy your day to the fullest.

Today is my 51st day without drinking and not waking up with a fucked up hangover, makes me feel great and happy with what I have accomplished.

I know that it’s a cliche, but since I’m a weekend binge drinker, I’m taking it one weekend at a time. Any given time I have some shit going on in my life, but I can’t let it get to me, because I’m stronger than that. That’s why I keep pushing on!

With that said, I’m Audi 5000 y’all!

50 Days Without Drinking!

Good afternoon and TGIF kids. I am happy to inform you, that today I have been without drinking for 50 days and I feel fucking great. It hasn’t been easy, but I made it.

To be honest with you, there has been many times, including this morning, that for personal shits that are going on in my life, I felt like drinking like a crazy person, but I didn’t.

When something that makes me want to drink happens to me, I just ask myself one question. Is alcohol going to solve the problem or make it worse?

I’m Still Not Drinking

Good afternoon and happy Monday kids! Well at least it is for me, since it’s Labor Day and I’m off from the salt mines.


As for me? I am happy to say, that today I have been without drinking for one month and eight days and I feel fucking great. One thing about this time around is, that it hasn’t been as hard as the other times. I’m not going to lie, there has been a couple of times, when I wanted to have a couple of beers, and that includes today, but if I don’t keep entertaining them stupid thoughts, they go away the same way they came in.

With that said, I’m Audi 5000 y’all!

Understanding My Mood Swing Triggers

Lately I have cut down on the amount of news I consume every day, because I have noticed how the negative stories affect my mood. I always keep in mind, that a long time ago my shrink told me to watch the news, but not to overdose on it. Another thing that I have noticed about my mood swings is, that they are also triggered by negative past events. So, when I realize that I’m thinking about things that happened in the past, which I can’t change, I try to change my focus to now, the present.

I have to say, that because I never wanted to accept my bipolar diagnosis, the illness has really fucked up my life. But now that I have finally come to terms with it, I have been able to start to understand what some of my triggers are and how I can deal with them.

With that said, I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Bipolar Disorder: It Is What It Is

OK kids, I am happy to inform you that today is my 24th day without drinking and I feel fucking great. Staying away from alcohol has been easy for me because I have done it in the past. There have been times when I didn’t drink for three to four months at a time.

The hardest part for me this time around, has been dealing with my bipolar disorder mood swings, which I never recognize in the past. It’s been hard for me because one day I might feel happy, full of life and wanting to do so many things, then the next day I’m depressed, angry, irritated and I feel like shit. During the bad days, I don’t want to talk to nobody, I don’t want nobody to bother me and I just want to be left alone in my own little dark world. As a matter of fact, Monday and Tuesday were two of those fucked up dark days, but yesterday and today, have been good ones.

Last week, after telling my shrink what I have been experiencing lately, we decided that I should try Lithium, because as he put it, what I was experiencing is called rapid cycling. So, I’m just waiting for him to review the lab results I faxed him, so he can send the prescription to my pharmacy. To be honest, a long time ago I told him that ever since he diagnosed me as suffering from bipolar II disorder, I refused to accept it, because I just didn’t feel it or see it. But things have changed, specially in the last couple of weeks. When I look back at my behavior, I can see what being bipolar feels, looks and sounds like, and what I have been putting my wife, daughter and son through without realizing it.

One last thing, my shrink was 100% right, when after being sober for five years, I started weekend binge drinking again and he told me that I was self-medicating. You see, when I’m dealing with my crazy mood swings, in my twisted mind, I’m acting “normal”, because I don’t see what the outside world sees.

With that said, I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Enjoying Life Without Alcohol

Yesterday I spent most of my day at my wife nephew’s birthday party in New Jersey. No worries kids, even though I was offered beer a couple of times, I did not drink… well, except soda. The reason why I was offered beer was, that most people don’t know that I’m going to AA meetings twice a week. The good thing is, that when I turned them down, they did not kept pushing the issue, like so many people do when they are drinking.

With that said, I am Audi 5000 y’all!

It’s A Family Thing

Good morning and happy Saturday kids. I hope that wherever you are in this crazy planet we call home; you are enjoying yourself to the fullest.

On a family note! Yesterday I got the bad news, that one of my sisters, who was diagnosed with breast cancer and had surgery for it about a week ago, had a stroke three days ago and is in the hospital. Based on the latest information I got, she is doing fine, but is not able to walk. Why didn’t her husband notify us right away? Beats the shit out of me. But at least, she is still with us.

My wife and I wanted to visit her, but because of the COVID-19 pandemic, hospitals in New York City, only allow one visitor at a time with each patient, and her husband doesn’t want to leave her side, which is understandable since they’ve been together for over thirty years, have two daughters, two sons, a couple of grand kids and a dog I gave her last year, because she was very depressed after her other dog died.

Right now, since the hospitals here in New York City don’t want to keep patients too long, unless is really necessary, they are making plans to send her home and have a physical therapist visit her, to help her get back to her old self. So as soon as she is back home, my wife and I will visit her.

FYI, including myself, in total we are seven siblings, six older sisters and me. As a matter of fact, from an incredibly young age, I have always said that God has a sense of humor. You don’t believe me?  Check this out! In total, my mother gave birth to nine children, but a pair of twins died at different ages. My point is, that she did not give birth to so many kids because she enjoyed the pain of giving birth, but because all she wanted was to have a boy. Then on her last pregnancy, when she completely gave up on that boy, I came along. Now tell me that shit is not crazy!

With that said, I am Audi 5000 y’all!