Good morning and happy Monday kids! Enjoy your day like if it was your last one on this rock we call our home.
As for me? You will never guess how happy and excited I am today, because this past weekend was my second sober weekend in a long ass time. You see, the reason why I am so excited is because I always start drinking on Friday evenings after work but can’t control my drinking and always go on a bender that could go for 3, 4, 5, even 6 days none stop.
Because of the hot summer weather here in New York City, no matter what I try or do, I’m always surrounded by people who are drinking alcohol, but that doesn’t bother me at all. As a matter of fact, I have gone months without drinking and not miss it. The only time that it becomes a problem for me is, when I’m bored. That’s the reason why it doesn’t bother me, when my wife keeps me busy on the weekends like if I owe her money.
Good morning and happy Sunday my homies, homettes and others. Always remember to enjoy your day to the fullest and don’t let no fucking asshole fuck it up for you no matter what. As for me? I am happy and proud to say, that today is my 11th sober day and I feel like Tony the tiger, fucking grrreat! WOO-HOO!
On a fun note? Since I’m trying to keep my crazy and weird mind busy, in order to keep the stinking thinking away, last night I decided to drive to the local casino with my wife and a close friend of ours. Even though I’m not a gambler, I’ve been there before, and know that they sell alcohol, but that wasn’t a problem for me at all, trying to stay awake while my wife gambled, and I listened to music was. The truth is, that the little trip out of the block really helped me, because I’m just fucking tired of seeing the same people and doing the same shit every fucking day.
One thing about me is that when I’m wrong I admit it and move on, and in this case, when it comes to AA meetings, I was dead wrong. Well, you see, the thing is, that yesterday, I decided to give a try to the remote AA meetings, and to be honest, I fucking love it. As a matter of fact, after doing some research, I came across a 24 hours a day – 7 days a week world-wide online open meeting called AA Home Group. All jokes aside, they have remote meetings going on 24/7.
Today is my 8th alcohol free day, and even though I’m what they call a weekend warrior, I feel great. There’s no regrets, no diarrhea, no stomachache, no vomiting, no loss of appetite, no headache, no anxiety, no depression, no shaking, no sweating, BUTSPECIALLY, no problems with my wife. I’ll tell you; it feels great feeling great.
To be honest, there are so many reasons why I haven’t been able to click with AA, that I don’t know where to begin. Just like there are religious fanatics and sports fanatics, there are AA fanatics who think they know everything, and that really creeps the living shit out of me.
I remember the first time that I gave AA a try, and an old-time member told me that I shouldn’t be taking psychiatric medications, because it alters my thinking just like alcohol did. In my mind, I was like, motherfucker, you don’t know half of the shit that goes on in my mind when it comes to my OCD. Also, talking to other members, they were against consuming everyday drinks, which they say contain alcohol, like malta, something that I have been drinking my entire life. But hey, who am I to judge… to each his own.
Yesterday, I spent hours doing online research in order to find out if I’m an alcoholic or a trouble drinker, only to stop and ask myself, why the fuck do I want to be labeled anyway? Who the fuck cares if I’m an alcoholic or a trouble drinker? Even my wife told me yesterday, that she knows that I have a drinking problem, because when I DO drink, I go on a bender for a few days, but that I wasn’t an alcoholic, because I could go for months without drinking without a problem. So, what is it with us, wanting to be labeled?
Honestly, even though sometimes I do go on long weekend benders because my problem with alcohol is that once I have the first beer, all bets are off for a couple of days, I have never considered myself an alcoholic. The reason for that is, that the weekends that I do drink are because I am bored to death and don’t have shit to do and nowhere to go, but not because my body craves or needs alcohol. As a matter of fact, if I keep myself busy, I can go months without drinking on the weekends, and never miss it.
But, since working from home for over a year because of the pandemic has been driving me crazy, I decided to attend a couple of AA meetings and go to church, in order to get out of the everyday routine, keep my sanity and meet new people. I can’t lie, it took me a while to figure it out, but I’m sure that I will be OK.