I am happy to say, that even though I am a weekend binge drinking alcoholic, today is my 7th alcohol free day. WOO-HOO! But not so fast boys, girls and others, when it comes to my depression, today has been a very… very… very fucked up day for me and even then, I had to work, because the bills will not pay themselves. To be honest, there were a few times I felt like drinking, but that is not the answer. But hey! What the fuck? I take my crazy meds every day, I still have my bad days. Tomorrow I have an appointment with my shrink Dr. C, I just hope that it is a better day.
Yesterday during one of my smoke break from work, I saw a long time friend of mine, who has struggled with alcoholism for many years. He wasn’t drinking at the time, but he did mentioned that he fell off the wagon again. I told him that it’s OK, that he just needs to try harder and work with his doctors to stop drinking. I also added, that I too fell off the wagon and that the last time that I drank was last Wednesday March 31 and that I try to look for activities that keep my crazy mind busy. But on my way to get breakfast this morning, I saw him again and he told me that he fucked up once again. He was drunk as hell and I could see it. I told him that everybody fucks up and that once he stops drinking, he needs to try harder to stay sober.
Some people might think, that only because I’ve been on crazy meds for the last 16 years and I don’t blog much about my OCD, everything must be A OK… but it’s not. Every fucking day, I worry about my wife, daughter, son or dog dying. I try to keep my mind busy to stop the thoughts, but that’s also fucking stressing and demanding. I’ll tell you, when it comes to my OCD, there are good days, bad days and worst days. But those were the cards that I was dealt with when I came into this rock we call earth.
I know that nobody actually gives a shit or a flying fuck, but I haven’t posted anything in this here crazy and boring blog of mine in almost 2 months. Why? Because I know that nobody really gives a flying fuck what I post anyway. But even after all is said and done, I’m happy to say that today is my 4th alcohol free day and that I’m working on getting some shits in my life together. Other than that, I’m still alive.
A couple of days ago, I started watching a documentary about so called influencers and people’s obsession with follows, likes, comments and fame on social media. The whole thing is, that I didn’t get to finish watching it, because I’m allergic to stupid people and my body started breaking out in rashes. It just annoys the living shit out of me, how so many talentless people want to be famous, just to be famous.
Next month is going to be one year since I started working remotely. At first, I enjoyed it a lot, because the weather was warm and I could go out for my smoke breaks, see friends and clear my mind. But once the dreaded autumn and winter started, everything went downhill for me, because even when I’m not working, I have to stay home doing shit. After a while, everything becomes fucking boring, TV, music, news, streaming services and social media alike. It’s just fucking crazy.
I enjoy writing short post because just like in real life, I like to get to the point and move on. Not that there’s anything wrong with a 1.5-billion-word post. Plus, according to a study authorized by Microsoft, the average attention span of humans is only eight seconds, so there you have it, yet another reason why I try to keep it under 100.