Yesterday I spent most of my day at my wife nephew’s birthday party in New Jersey. No worries kids, even though I was offered beer a couple of times, I did not drink… well, except soda. The reason why I was offered beer was, that most people don’t know that I’m going to AA meetings twice a week. The good thing is, that when I turned them down, they did not kept pushing the issue, like so many people do when they are drinking.
Yesterday I had my August session with my shrink Dr. C. and it was a very productive one, because I told him about the sudden bursts of happiness and sudden bursts of sadness that I have been experiencing for a long time, but never realized it until recently. Dr. C went on to tell me, that what I have been experiencing is called “rapid cycling”. I know that many years ago, aside from my OCD, he diagnosed me with Bipolar II disorder. But to be honest, my biggest mistake has been that I never wanted to accept his Bipolar II diagnosis. I have always accepted my OCD, but not my Bipolar, and because of that, Bipolar has been affecting my life in a negative way for many, many years.
We talked about different medications that can help me with that, but first he wants me to get blood work done, to make sure that everything is fine. So, this coming Saturday, I’m going to the lab to get it done. Once I get the results, we’ll take it from there. To be honest, I have finally realized that he was right, when he used to tell me that when I drink alcohol, I was self-medicating. I guess I just didn’t want accept what was going on in my crazy and complicated mind.
Today, I am going to be meeting my shrink Dr. C and I will be honest with him and tell him about how even though I am surrounded by people who love and care a lot about me, I drink because I feel empty, sad and alone inside. The truth must come out.
I never had a problem with daily drinking, because I only drink on the weekends, as a matter of fact, I can go months without drinking with no problem at all. But most of the times, when I do decide to drink, I binge for days. So, because of that reason, I have been wondering if during those times that I don’t drink, I am sober, abstinent or alcohol-free. I mean, don’t get me wrong, whatever it is, as long as I’m not drinking, I’m happy with it. That’s what really matters.
OK my homies and homettes, I know for a fact, that you didn’t miss me for shit and maybe , just maybe, you didn’t even notice that I was gone for a while, but now I’m back. So here I go.
So I finally decided to get my shit together and get sober. Today has been 8 days since I last had alcohol and I went to an AA meeting last week. Actually, I’m planning on going to at least 2 to 3 AA meetings a week. You have to understand, that I don’t drink everyday, I’m just a once in a while weekend binge drinker, who with no problems, can go for months without drinking.