Yesterday during one of my smoke break from work, I saw a long time friend of mine, who has struggled with alcoholism for many years. He wasn’t drinking at the time, but he did mentioned that he fell off the wagon again. I told him that it’s OK, that he just needs to try harder and work with his doctors to stop drinking. I also added, that I too fell off the wagon and that the last time that I drank was last Wednesday March 31 and that I try to look for activities that keep my crazy mind busy. But on my way to get breakfast this morning, I saw him again and he told me that he fucked up once again. He was drunk as hell and I could see it. I told him that everybody fucks up and that once he stops drinking, he needs to try harder to stay sober.
Some people might think, that only because I’ve been on crazy meds for the last 16 years and I don’t blog much about my OCD, everything must be A OK… but it’s not. Every fucking day, I worry about my wife, daughter, son or dog dying. I try to keep my mind busy to stop the thoughts, but that’s also fucking stressing and demanding. I’ll tell you, when it comes to my OCD, there are good days, bad days and worst days. But those were the cards that I was dealt with when I came into this rock we call earth.
Next month is going to be one year since I started working remotely. At first, I enjoyed it a lot, because the weather was warm and I could go out for my smoke breaks, see friends and clear my mind. But once the dreaded autumn and winter started, everything went downhill for me, because even when I’m not working, I have to stay home doing shit. After a while, everything becomes fucking boring, TV, music, news, streaming services and social media alike. It’s just fucking crazy.
I enjoy writing short post because just like in real life, I like to get to the point and move on. Not that there’s anything wrong with a 1.5-billion-word post. Plus, according to a study authorized by Microsoft, the average attention span of humans is only eight seconds, so there you have it, yet another reason why I try to keep it under 100.
Because of the pandemic, working from home since mid March of 2020 hasn’t been easy for me, because there have been many adjustments that I had to do. The fucked up part is having to spend so much time inside, specially with all the fucked up negative news that goes around. I mean, how many fucking ways can they report that we are going through a pandemic? How many fucking shootings, rapes, murders, wars, natural disasters and so on can they fucking show us?
What the media wants us to believe is, that the world is coming to and end… But hasn’t it been since the beginning of time? I mean, what the fuck is wrong with the media? We are all going to die, it’s just a matter of when and how… but I sure don’t need to be reminded every fucking minute of every fucking day.
On and off I have been blogging for who knows how many years, but the thing about me is, that I’m not a mental health advocate, writer, author or anything like that, nor do I want to or plan to ever be. My thing is, that I do it to deal with my Bipolar II, OCD, weekend drinking and other shits by posting them on this here crazy blog of mine.
I was planning on not drinking for thirty days, but it was impossible because some family members and friends came over Friday and Saturday evening to play dominoes… With beers, so I did drink, but I’m happy to say that I didn’t go on a bender. As a matter of fact, I went to bed early and didn’t drink on Sunday.